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Finding happiness in your friend’s happiness may seem like second nature to some, but it may be a bit of a struggle for others. It’s not that we don’t want our friends to be happy, but sometimes our own insecurities can stop us from feeling joy for them. The general goal is to give yourself grace on your journey towards your goals while learning how to genuinely celebrate your friends’ wins. 

We are creatures of habit, and often we put so much pressure on ourselves to accomplish said “goals” by a specific timeframe. The goal is to decipher between society’s expectations of where you should be vs. your own goals and dreams. When we see others accomplishing a common goal that seems far out of reach, jealousy, resentment, and just overall hater energy may come out. Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve fallen into the trap. Just remember, you can’t necessarily control your thoughts, but you do have control over how you choose to react. 

Begin by writing down your goals & aspirations

Be super-specific and for every item on this list. Ask yourself why you want these things. Who is this really for? Is this my dream or my parent’s dream? Am I actually interested in this subject, or do I just want this career because society celebrates this profession? This may not seem necessary, but finding your “why” is a critical part of this process. When we are insecure or uncertain about our decisions, we may resent others who are getting what they want. Sometimes, you’re not getting these things because you don’t actually want them.

Ask yourself these questions

How would I want my friend to be there for me if things were the other way around? Would you genuinely be happier for your friend if this didn’t happen for them? Would it bring you closer to your goal or make you feel better? Sometimes, it takes to step back from the situation and ask yourself a few questions to gain perspective. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy, and you are not in competition with your friends. If you said yes to any of these, this could indicate that you have deep feelings you need to heal within yourself. 

“Things aren’t happening to you; they are happening for you.”

This is a bold statement, and depending on your outlook on life, this could be a hard reality to face. Some people find comfort in hearing these words; others may feel frustration. Either way remembering this phrase could help you get outside of yourself and push through the issue at hand. What is your first thought when your friend shares their new promotion when yours is long overdue? How do you feel when you see another marriage proposal on Instagram when you think you’re ready to be married? Every experience in life is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and others around you. If you have a deep trigger, maybe take a break from social media or social events until you feel more secure putting yourself out there. These triggers are often a blessing in disguise because they are a very in-your-face indicator that something is off in your subconscious and it deserves some extra thought and care. 

Whether it’s a promotion, marriage, pregnancy announcement, or a new home, celebrate your friend’s wins the way you would want them to celebrate yours. Life has a funny way of reminding us that our expectations for what we “should” have often don’t align with the universe’s timing. Give yourself grace and patience, and give your friends the love and acknowledgment they deserve. Everyone is the main character of their own life, and once we step outside of ourselves, we can see that it can’t be our time to shine all of the time. Remember, a win for your friend is a win for the team; we should always lift one another up.

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