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You know how the saying goes “Treat others the way you want to be treated?” While that may be a good rule of thumb, it isn’t necessarily going to help you express what you’re intending to. Let us explain… 

We believe treating people the way they want to be treated is a much more successful approach. In fact, learning how you and your  loved ones expect to receive love could help ensure that one’s needs are being met. 

Dr. Gary Chapman is the author of the book The 5 Love Languages. He explains each form of love so you can learn your own and your partner’s. This is also a great guide for non-romantic relationships. 

You would be surprised to see the different ways your friends, family or partner like to receive love. It really comes down to communication and everyone expresses and expects their love in a variety of the 5 love languages.  

When your loved one says “I don’t feel loved when…” take the time to listen for what they are looking for. They are giving you feedback on how your “love” is being received. If they are telling you that you never spend time with them, they highly value quality time.

Dr. Chapman encourages people to learn their love languages first before making sure they’re learning their SO or family’s. Below we have a summary of the 5 different love languages. The good news is you don’t have to just choose one, but having a primary is very helpful.

words of affirmation

“If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, ‘I love you,’ are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.”

acts of service

“Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an ‘Acts of Service’ person will speak volumes. Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.”

receiving gifts

“Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.”

quality Time

“In Quality Time, nothing says, ‘I love you’ like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and phones and tasks on standby—makes this person feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.”

physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.”

If you would like to take the quiz and see how you score on all 5 categories, click here. Quiz.  

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