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The journey of self-love is ever changing, some days you may feel on top of the world and on other days you may feel like you’re falling apart. Most of us focus so much on romantic love and giving love, we forget to save some for ourselves. That’s because we have been trained since we were little that validation and love needs to come from an external source, typically a man. (Thanks a lot Disney.) The true power comes from the depths of your soul when you find that love and compassion for yourself. So what is self-love? And how do I begin this journey?

According to Dr. Jeffrey Borenstein, “Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness.” For those of us that are guilty of being “selfless” and putting everyone’s needs above our own. You may want to reconsider the habits you have built within your relationship with others and yourself. You’ve heard the saying “You can’t really love someone until you love yourself.” This couldn’t be more true. This doesn’t mean that you are lying about who you love until you find that love for yourself. It simply means you can’t keep pouring from an empty cup. 

When we look within and establish the boundaries, and practices of self-love we will meet ourselves on a deeper level. Having more love and compassion towards yourself will only help you be more loving and compassionate to those around you. Not to sound too blunt, but it’s not always about other people. We are expected (by society and ourselves) to treat people with love, grace, and patience but when it comes to us we are okay with skipping past it. Just because you think you can handle something it doesn’t mean that you won’t wear out over time. If you’re not feeling confident reevaluate the way that you set boundaries with others and yourself.  Ed Mylett said, “ Confidence comes from keeping the promises you made to yourself.” Although there are many components to building your confidence, this tip is game changing. 

Don’t underestimate the power of affirmations 

Yes some of them may feel silly or cheesy, but if you find the right ones that speak to you the words could quite literally change your life. Mindfulness and yoga apps such as headspace or alo yoga can brighten up your day and prepare you to face the negative self-talk with compassion. As you practice speaking to yourself nicer you will shift the way you think about yourself. This is a lot easier said than done. Instead, you could begin by cutting out the hurtful things that you do say to yourself as the situation presents itself. If what you are saying is too harsh for you to say to someone you love, practice refraining from saying it to yourself. 

Try these lovely affirmations: 

– I am committed to doing my best

– I am open to what comes

– I will always be enough 

– I will rise above the stress that is trying to weigh me down 

– What belongs to me will simply find me

– I am not my negative thoughts

– I can love myself even while i’m working on myself


Let these mantras be reminders and promises to yourself. Do not let society make you feel like your life has to look a specific way for you to be worthy of love. Give yourself grace and patience as you find what it is you enjoy doing. 


Allow yourself to celebrate your wins, and be proud of yourself. Give thanks for your body, health, relationships, life, anything that you are happy you have and wouldn’t want to lose. It is easy to take things for granted but if you lead with gratitude it makes it a lot harder to be harsh on yourself. Life is filled with so much beauty and blessings and it is helpful to count them even if they may seem very small. 

Do less of:

– Comparing yourself to others

– Negative self talk

– Body shaming yourself

– Downplaying your wins

– Believing hateful things people say about you


Do more of:

– Accepting yourself for who you are

– Allowing yourself to change and grow

– Being patient with yourself


– Being grateful for what you have

We hope this encourages you to continue on or begin your self-love journey. Putting in the work doesn’t always feel good at the moment, but it is always worth it. You owe it to yourself to live authentically and with love. Focus on what brings you closer to feeling peace, love and acceptance. Protect your energy and remember that the people you surround yourself with and the content you consume affects you on a deep level.




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